My Wedding Day👰👫
Lufuno: “I don’t think she’s here; we have been knocking for a while, did you tell her that we were coming?”
Me: She is here” I said and at that point I wasn’t sure.
Lufuno: “So you didn’t tell her you were coming?”
Ntando: “there is someone in the house, I saw someone closing the window.
Me: “Okay, let’s wait, she will come open for us” as I was saying this, the door open and it was my mom.
Me: “Hello mama”
Mom: “What are you doing here”
Me: “We came to see you, guys come in” I said.
While begging my mom with my eye that she let us in, I was praying that she doesn’t embarrassed me.
Mom: “Come in, I was on my way out?” Well that was my mother’s phrase to say, ‘I don’t want visitors in my house”. We went inside the house, it was untidy as always… I knew that she never used a dining room so I took Ntando and Lufuno to the dining room as it was the only place she hardly uses, there was dust but not as dirty as the lounge.
Me: “Mom, this is Lufuno, my husband and this is Ntando, our son”
Mom: “Oh so now you have two husbands, aren’t you lucky and blessed”
Me: “James he is gone; this is my new family”
Mom: “What do you mean he is gone, I saw him last week, so you are not clever after all”
Me: “Mom, you need to stop drinking, it has gone too far”
Mom: “I am not drunk spoiled brat, James is alive, why don’t you go and see for yourself “
Me: “Mom you haven’t greeted them, and you want me to believe words coming from your mouth” I said but I had regrets immediately, she would have slapped me if I was alone that.
Mom: “Hi you two, excuse me, I was just not expecting anyone, Noluntu can I speak to you, alone”
Me: “Mama, let me clean the house then we will talk.” I said to my mom. “Lufuno babe, please order us something to eat” I said while leaving the dining room to go check the state of the bedrooms, all the bed rooms were a mess, it was as if there was Tsunami. I started with my mom’s bedroom then went to my brother’s room before going to the room my room, all the memories were traumatizing but I pulled through. it was getting late, so after finishing my room I went to the kitchen that I could wash dishes since everything was dirty and the food was on the way.
Mom: “Are you crying? you are an adult and you still play with your tears” She said after she walked on me I the kitchen
Me: “I just feel like this is somehow my fault, you have been living like this for years mama, when is it going to stop, I send you money every month why don’t you get someone to help you with house, you were never like this when dad he was still alive I wish he was here”
Mom: “Did you came here to tell me how to live my life, your father left me long before died”
Me: ” Then I wish Mazwai didn’t die either, I wish they were both still here “
Mom: “And your husband? he is alive and you are not listening to me”
Me: “Mama, you need help, I can get you in house help mama, you need to come live with me in Cape Town”
Mom: “James he is alive, I saw him at his parents’ house, he is alive and here you are with two strangers claiming to be your family. me and you we are not so different, at least I am not living a lie, does this man even know that your husband disappeared”
Me: “Mama, why are you like this to me, why don’t you want to see me happy, why are you like this, why do you hate me this much”
Mom: “James he is alive, I need you to be happy and this time I am going to be happy for you. You are my little girl and I cannot even remember why I blamed you for Mazwai death… but I am telling you; James he is alive”
Me: “Mother stop, that’s enough…” I said, I breakdown in tears, it was too much. Then Lufuno walked in to the kitchen, and I am pretty sure that he followed our screams.
Lufuno: “Is everything okay?”
Me: “I need some air” I said while rushing outside. then he followed me, I was upset. I sat on the stoep and he remained standing.
Lufuno: “Are you okay?”
Me: “We shouldn’t have come here? This was a mistake, we need to leave”
Lufuno: “What if she’s right? what if he is alive? Babe, we about to live the rest of our lives together, you need closure. Here is the car key, go see yourself. I love you and need you to have peace and to really move on”
Me: “I don’t want to go”
Lufuno: “If not for you, then for us, our family, please, go babe”
Me: “Okay, I will go, but in condition”
Me: “You are coming with me.”
Lufuno: “Babe, this is one of those things you have to do alone, please go, I will be here waiting for you” I took a breath.
Me: “Okay, won’t be long, I know he is dead and this crazy” I stood up, he kissed me then hugged me then we walked to the car, he opened the door for me and I went inside.
I drove to James parents, it was just few blocks away from my mom’s place. As I was approaching his house, I saw a man standing by the gate, it wasn’t his father. I parked by the streets and then walked to the gate, then he started walking away like he didn’t want to be seen.
Me: “Hello Sir” I said. He looked back and it was James in flash, you looked at me as if he has just see the ghost, my heart stopped, it was as if my eyes were teasing me but it was him. I walked backwards as slow as I could until I got to my car, my whole body was vibrating, I tried to open the car with the key though it had remote and the key didn’t want to open. I was running out of breath, I could hear him talking but I couldn’t understand what he was saying, my hands were wet.
James: “Nonthuthuzelo Stop!!!!” He said and that’s when I returned to my senses. He was the only person to ever called me by my full name and that’s when I knew that it was it was really him and that I wasn’t seeing things which were not there. He was still the James I had last seen six years ago, exactly the same man I had fallen in love with so many years ago.
James: “It is me” He said, while wiping my tears and touching and that’s when it happened. He kissed me and kissed him back. I opened the backseat and we went inside, we were both aggressive as if we have been waiting for that moment forever… we had sex and it was great but different, I had spent years hoping and praying for his return, and finally my prayers were heard, but at the back of my head I knew that it for the last. Afterwards we just sat in the car grasping some oxygen.
James: “Let’s go inside, I am sure you have lot of questions, my parents are not here” he said, and he was right.
Me: “I need to leave now, I thought mom she had lost her mind when she said she saw you and I thought I should come and prove her wrong. You know my mom she still has funny ways to show me that she loves me and all these times I thought she was crazy and that she hates me; I thought your sister she was my friend but somehow she kept all these from me, my mother never liked you, she warned me about you and your family but I was young and in love”
James: “I need to tell you the truth, where I have been and I why I had to run away”
Me: “I don’t need to know, you felt need of lying to me the whole time, you watched me almost going to jail for your death, you watched me this whole time while I mourn for you”
James: “I am sorry, I have been trying to get reach of you since I got back”
Me: “You mean by sending those thugs to watch me, follow me, scare me!! Everything was lie, you were a lie and so was our marriage” I dressed up and went to the front seat and he was just sitting there brushing his head as if there was something he could say to change my mind.
Me: “Get out of my car please”
James: “When will I see you again?”
Me: “This is my goodbye, I don’t want to ever see you again. You died six years ago and that’s how it going to be; and stop stalking me for fuck sake” I said after he gotten out of the car and then he had to close the door while the car was already moving.
Driving from James parents to my mom’s house felt like a second, before I knew it I was at mom’s house. I spent few minutes in the car trying to compose myself and to process what had just happened, I had not control and at that moment I knew that Lufuno was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. My mother she was sitting outside by the stoep. I got out of the car and took the deepest breath I have ever taken.
Mom: “I see you found him, your husband!!”
Me: “Mama, I got married to Lufuno today, James he is dead, I mourned him for years.”
Mom: “I did warn you my daughter, no one from that family is to be trusted. God knows why he had to disappear”
Me: “No mama, don’t do that, you only say God knows when you know, what are you not telling me?”
Mom: “What do I know, I am just a drunker… but if you want to know rumours, people have been talking; apparently he was on debt and he wanted to cash up his life cover, he has been living in Limpopo all these years under false name; maybe the money is finished now”
Me: “How could I be so stupid mama!! How?”
Mom: “Come here” She said, then reached my hand that she could hug me.
Me: “So, Qaqamba knew about this, I was stupid the whole time, tomorrow morning I am going to the police”
Mom: “You will do no such thing; both of his brothers are on the gang”
Me: “Why are you protecting him?”
Mom: “Because I know the man inside the house genuinely loves you “
Me: “Did he said anything while I was gone?”
Mom: “No. I watched him, he loves”
Me: “Mama I slept with James, I couldn’t control the situation, it just happened, I have to tell Lufuno”
Mom: “I know slept him, but you are not going to tell another soul, go inside and bath, I will be getting to know your family.” I stood up “Hey Nolu, you are never ever going to talk about this with anyone else, not even me” then the door open. It was Lufuno.
Lufuno: “That was quick” he said, as he knew what I had just done.
Me: “Hey babe”
Lufuno: “Come here “
Me: “Mama, I will see you in the morning; thank you, I am going to bath and sleep” We went inside the house, the food was already there, I wasn’t hungry anymore, I left my mom with Lufuno and Ntando and went to bath.
That evening I took the longest bath ever, it was as if I was trying to wash away all my memories with James and the sins I had I just committed. I promised myself that I wasn’t going to tell Lufuno and that what he didn’t know wasn’t going to hurt him. I only realised that I was crying after I had Lufuno’s voice.
Lufuno: “Are you okay? do you wanna talk about it?”
Me: “Why do you wanna marry me? what are you trying achieve? are you also a double agent?”
Lufuno: “I am trying to complete my life with the girl I have loved since high school. The same love I have for my son, is the same love I have for you. I don’t have a family without and my son, If I was messing up with you I wouldn’t have let you in into my son’s life; I cannot correct the wrongs of others but I can promise you to live everyday as if it our last… I need you in my life more than you probably need me, I know that you had difficulties of trusting me because of the obsession your ex-husband he had with the politicians but I can assure you that I have already reveal all my skeleton to you, I have nothing to hide. I love you much and I am not going anywhere”
Me: “I love you too” He passed me the towel to dry myself. then we went to the bedroom.
Lufuno: “Your mom she’s not that bad”
Me: “I guess, my relationship with her it is just too complicated, I wish she could come live with me”
Lufuno: “You mean us?”
Me: “Yes, or she could stay at my house, either way, I just want to be able to look after her”
Lufuno: “Talk to her, she could come stay with us and she can look after Ntando while we go to our honeymoon “
Me: “I will speak to her in the morning, but we are not leaving her alone with Ntando “
Lufuno: “Okay mam” he said while we were getting in bed. once we were in bed he started kissing me, my mind kept on flashing back to James in the car.
Me: “I am bit tired babe” I said, but he continued kissing me.
Lufuno: “What’s wrong? don’t let your past get into your skin”
Me: “I am not, I just feel like things are going too fast, we are married and we haven’t even talked about our wedding, where we are going for our honeymoon, you met my mom after going to home affairs”
Lufuno: “Mmmhm pick a date for our wedding”
Me: “Are you serious?”
Lufuno: “Yes my queen”
Me: “We are married now, we can have small ceremony on Saturday, I don’t want two ceremonies anymore”
Lufuno: “Okay, I thought of next week but I thought it would be short notice for you and your work”
Me: “Next week it is, I will speak to my boss in the morning”
Lufuno: “It is after midnight, let’s sleep” his hands were around me and I was facing opposite side, I turned around and looked at him.
Lufuno: “I can see that you want to be naughty, but we are at your mother’s house babe”
Me: “We can always be naughty in silence and my mom’s room is far, we are married babe, first night as Mr and Mrs” I wasn’t horny or anything like that, I guess I needed to redeem myself.
Lufuno: “I still cannot believe this” he said while holding my hand which I had a ring on and just like that I fell asleep.
Okay, to cut long story short, my mother agreed to come with us to the Mother City, it wasn’t easy to convince her but at the end she agreed that she was gonna leave with us and return back to Johannesburg after the wedding and I was just crossing my fingers that she would fall in love in with Cape Town like I did and not want to return to Johannesburg.
It was Saturday 4th 2012, my wedding day, I was about to marry the man I love me deeply but the quilt was still there, and that morning it was unbearable. I was in a beautiful dress. “I love him so much” I said to myself. “I cannot do this to him, I cannot announce my love for him without telling him the truth”, after talking to myself for a while, the quilt took over and I was about to run away and never look back, I opened the door and check if my mom she was in the passage, she had gone to fetch pins for my hair in the car, she wasn’t there. “Run Noluntu” the voice said and that’s when I started running, as I was about to enter the stairs I noticed Lufuno, he was wearing a white slim suit with light grey shirt, he was beautiful, he was already half way and at that moment I knew I had to tell him the truth, I knew that there was no way I was gonna leave him like that hanging.
Me: “What are you doing here?”
Lufuno: “I am going to get rings, you should wait in the room, your mom she’s coming to walk you down the aisle”
Me: “We need to talk”
Lufuno: “Babe we will talk after the ceremony, we are not supposed to see each other now, it is a bad luck”
Me: “Please!” I shouted. He saw that I meant business.
Lufuno: “Okay, come” We went to the room I was dressing in then he closed the door.
Lufuno: “Okay babe, we probably have a minute”
Me: “Lufuno, I love you with all my heart, my love for you is like a drug, and I love it, I love the way you treat and love me, the way you don’t look down on me and any other person. My mistakes they have nothing to do with my love for you, I love you so much, you need to understand that this wasn’t easy, I was about to walk away from this wedding but you deserve the truth and to know the mistakes I have done “
Lufuno: “What mistakes” He said with a very confused face.
Me: “Last week Thursday I slept with James, and I have been leaving with the guilt, I am so sorry Lufuno, it just happened; please say something”
Lufuno: “You did what?” He was furious, sweating, he looked as if he was looking for something to break. I was even scared that he was going to punch me.
Me: “I am very sorry, I thought I could live with myself after what happened but I couldn’t, I love you, please remember that”
Lufuno: “Why couldn’t you just let us have this day, this is just a wedding Noluntu, we were married already when you slept with your late husband who has now somehow risen from the grave” He wiped his face the he left the room.
Me: “Lufuno, wait”
I was about to chase him when my body was attacked by the cramps in my stomach, I was about to fall down when my mom came in and rushed to catch me, I was running out of breath, it was as if there was a device in my stomach wanting to explode, I could feel that I was losing my conscious.
Me: “I told him the truth” I was certain that I was dying, I guess that was my last words before passing out