Your tears have caused me endless nightmares

Mekgeledi ea meogo…
Marothodi a madi..
The silence in the room…

And you start fidling with the pots
Trying to hide what just happened.
Yes you cleaned yourself ,
But the constant sniffing, mekgeledi ya meogo le marothi a made on the floor.
He did it again didn’t he ?

Look , you have tells .
I know when it has happened .
Even when you hide it with make-up
I see it in your eyes.
A piece of you is taken away ,
Your smile, the bright smile you usually give us becomes gloomy with expressions of hopelessness.

When you speak and instantly becomes distant as if you are replaying every moment of pain and torture he put you through and then you quickly remember that we are here .

Mama, your children are here in front of you. You fake a smile and kiss our foreheads, while your eyes are filled with tears.

I have asked you several times why you are still with him and your answer remains “for you my kids”.
But what good is it when we see you hurt when we see him daily beat you to a pulp and tomorrow you have to pretend like nothing happened?
Maybe you do not know, but i constantly have sleeples nights , nightmares of his fists ontop of your body , his hands strangling your neck and right there I hear your screams and jump out of bed to make sure it was just a dream.

In him I no longer see a father ,
I see a monster .
I tiptoe around him to avoid upsetting him because i know he is going to take it all out on you.
I carry the scent of blood everywhere, as i think of your safety in that house.
The taste of water has become unbearable, as it has the bitterness in your tears.
The sound of the drum beating bouts tears to my eyes as it reminds me of his fists against your body.

I am sorry, mama that I can not help you much.
But I pray you to find the strength to leave.
I fear for the day I will walk out of that room and find you dead.
I hope you realise that I need you happy and free than miserable and tied to a man who is supposed to be your husband. I mean my father.

I hope one day you will walk out collect every piece of yourself which he took from you and build yourself again for me, for my siblings and most importantly for yourself, mama.


    Felicia Seretlo

    12 thoughts on “Your tears have caused me endless nightmares

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